Ironically, after my last post in which I pointed out the number of times I have to say in a given medical outing that yes, I have cancer, I may not have to say that much longer. I met with a surgeon today who had been copied on my MRI findings. They appear clear! Not only is the cancer gone from the lymph node, it is gone from my mass! My palpation check was normal. The chemo has done its work. It is a complete pathological response … in other words, no more cancer bugs. Or at least none detectable by the naked eye – we still have path reports and surgery, etc.
I still haven’t met with my oncologist. I still haven’t wrapped my head around this success, because I am too busy preparing for the next step. And, frankly, I did a pretty pitiful job at getting information from the doctor about the MRI finding = I was so wholly unprepared for the doctors appointment it was embarrassing. While reading the MRI reports, he gave me a completely different plan of attack than I wanted to hear (attack one side first, then address everything else later) … and instead of asking questions I just numbly wandered out.
Almost immediately I realized my mistake. Just put me in a paper gown and I am a kid again. I am humiliated and innocent and wanting to get out of that gown as fast as possible. I didn’t ask about the MRI results in detail – was all the cancer gone, or just most of it? And, I didn’t ask why – why would he recommend such a different way of treatment? Why would he do something I have never heard performed in terms of sequence?
SO here I am at 12.20 am writing a post to the universe. I should be insanely happy about the news with the chemo, but strangely I don’t feel elation. I felt more elation at changing a website icon from grey to blue a week ago using php coding. Why is that? Because I knew the chemo would work. I knew from my body that it had worked – and the MRI was just a check box. Finding that line in the code was HARD and took me four hours of hard work. Chemo is not work – it is survival.
So, tomorrow I will begin a round of second opinions and celebratory naps, movies, spas, and kid hugs (they will be at camp all day so I will not be remiss in the hugging). And I want a big tall cherry slurpee. Today I had french toast for lunch. And, Davis and I went out for dinner and a movie (The Dark Night Rises)> Might as well end chemo with a bang.
I will have more information later this week about all of this running around in my head – but the takeaway is that I have won this battle, but more is yet to come. I am thankful for this victory and will continue to fight the good fight.