Tag Archives: mother’s day

Happy Mother’s Day

As I lay in bed this morning enjoying my time off from getting kids ready for school or getting ready for work or letting out a puppy or in general doing anything and everything before 8am … I realized how strange a Mother’s day journey can be for so many of us.

First, the Mother’s Days where I celebrated my Mother with all I had – unblemished, complete love and appreciation. Then the first time I realized that life was impermanent- losing my grandmother early – and seeing my Mom struggle with the loss of her Mom. While I was in 8th grade. A loss I still cannot comprehend for her or for me.

Then – college mother’s days, an afterthought or forced reckoning – realizing I had to send a card or make a call as more of an obligation than a true gesture … growing apart(in a healthy way) but also recognizing parents are no idols, but people)

There are the Mother’s Days I had so full of hope that one day I would enjoy one with a child of my own – as a newly wed already fielding questions and comments.

Then, the Mother’s Days where I was struggling to conceive – taking over two years – a reminder of the failures of my body to do something that at that point I had decided was something I wanted.

The first Mother’s Day with an infant – breathless, joyful, in the weeds, and loving it.

Pregnant – carrying twins – realizing my whole world was about to turn upside down – crying about college savings and cars and how on Earth would we do this?

Then, 2011, now I know, a year colored by my body fighting off something unseen. I was exhausted, working, taking naps – literally – every day. What on earth was going on?

Then, the answer just before mother’s day in 2012 – the world that I had so carefully constructed and wished for would soon get upended. Would I be around for another mother’s day? I didn’t entertain the thought – just went through the motions of getting up each day and rising to fight again.

Now, I am back to joy – a group of creative, colorful, hilarious children and a husband who supports and celebrates me.

Today as we are celebrated for doing the toughest job in the world (let’s be honest – parenting IS so it should be carried equally but is not always) … let’s also remember our friends who are celebrating or mourning differently. It’s not about how has the best mother’s day today … but about remembering mothers of all kinds and where they are in their journey. My friend with metastatic cancer who is celebrating the first mother’s day with her son, carried by a surrogate. My friend still struggling to conceive after three years of tests and diagnosis. My friend who is gay and cannot officially carry the rights of motherhood here in Texas the same way as others should. My friend who has lost two angels too soon, but manages to carry on and celebrate the life she has with two wonderful, sweet children. My friend who just lost her Mom to a long struggle with Alzheimer’s. And of course, to those of you who continue to inspire me to be a better Mom – with encouragement, love, support, amazing attitudes, a shoulder to cry on, carpools and more.

Happy Mother’s Day to all. I hope you get all you wish for, but most importantly, that you feel loved and appreciated and supported. Because you are all amazing.

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All The News That’s Fit to Print

When I was little I had many attempts at keeping a daily diary. It never worked. I would write furiously for days or even weeks, but then I would miss a couple of days. I would feel overwhelmed by all the news I had to impart on those missed days and put it off a few more. Then I would have multiple ideas on what to say and couldn’t decide so I would put it off further. A week or two would go by and I would be – literally – paralyzed by my own inaction. How could I possibly just start new?

Clearly, I haven’t left everything behind.

I have been wanting to write for a while now, but have been paralyzed by that same feeling – how much I have to write! how many thoughts! how much news! Today I decided – screw it. I’ll write what I can. The evolution continues.

I have recovered greatly from my surgery. I still can’t sleep on my stomach and have some weird sensations and twinges, but I feel pretty normal given the fact I have giant plastic balloons in my chest. I am still working on my stamina – I did get the clearance to start exercising again – and strangely, I was elated! I never much liked exercising for its own sake, but the inability to even go for a fast walk for so many months left me feeling like a shell of myself. Just being back on the soccer field to help with my son’s soccer tournament coaching was a joy. And, exhausting.

I have enjoyed the fact that as I improve, the ripples of that improvement spread across our entire family. My husband suddenly seems lighter – I am able to help shoulder the burden in a meaningful way. We are talking about the future – traveling, next year’s school year – and it is starting to feel almost normal.

And the children are elated that I am up, around, helping, playing.

Henry, the oldest at a mere 7, is processing. Always. We have had a myriad of conversation over the past weeks I didn’t expect – about the Boston bombings, the Cleveland rescues, Austin bond elections for schools. (No I didn’t bring these up – thanks school!) But the conversation seems to often come back to my health. On Friday night, he wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate Mommy feeling better again.

This weekend, Mother’s Day, I didn’t take naps, we went for a hike … it was blissfully normal. And yet, at the end of the day Henry would ask about my last surgery – when was it? what was it? did I have stitches?

I feel guilty that I am not sharing the details of this reconstruction with them only when I am evading questions in those conversations. I know that there is too much information for them to process, and that they just need to see me recover, and to them, I am there. They are especially excited that I have bangs 🙂

Much of what I have learned on my journey is with me – a sense of calm, understanding my health is important (yes I am still drinking the green smoothies daily and amazingly haven’t gotten sick since I started – three months!). And, I have more patience. It manifests itself in small ways – helping Emmy read, or walking with Carter to the kiddie pool and back for the fourth time. Or answering the question from Henry for the fourth night in a row – are you almost all better, Mama?

Mostly, yes.

Yay, he says and opens his arms wide for another hug

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