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Happy Birthday Henry, Happy Radiation Mommy

The most important thing is Henry is seven. He is a gifted, sweet boy – according to his teacher although I am unabashedly biased. His birthday was an overwhelming success, and the piles of robot, Star Wars, and LEGO presents around the house show how well his friends know him. It was an amazing day – we had two soccer games on Saturday and a birthday party in the afternoon – hosted thankfully at a local gym instead of hour house.

But, it was a big day – even without my body still reeling from surgery and chemo and inactivity. And, of course, as a former soccer coach – former not by choice – I couldn’t sit still. I paced the sidelines, kept time, yelled in orders. I am sure I was a terrible parent but I hope I was a helpful co-coach. Don’t tell me if I wasn’t.

Last night I had a realization. I am going to have to schedule naps. I am going to have to put time on the calendar for resting, for blogging, and will have to give up much of what I gathered back. It is the natural order of things for the pendulum to swing from busy to lazy and back again. My pendulum swang too fast.

It’s all about choices at this point – some are not mine. I went to see a gastroenterologist today because with all of the stress and hormonal imbalance I have started having debilitating cramps and IBS. SUPER fun. I was given fiber and a muscle relaxant. Not my choice. I had a meeting with my radiation oncologist. He said “I hope you don’t hate me because you’re doing this.” “I don’t,” I said, “I came back didn’t I?” But it wasn’t my choice. Not really.

Today when I told the twins I would not be able to pick them up at school because I was going to see another doctor. Emmy says from the back seat “Why do you have to go to another doctor, Mama? The cancer is all gone?” Because, honey, I don’t want it to come back. (That’s my choice.)

The radiation oncologist took a CT scan of me to help with positioning. I have red sharpie crosshairs on my body – the kids wanted to make sure that it didn’t hurt. Not yet. I start on Thursday for 33 days of chemo – every morning at 10:20am for basically the next 6 weeks.

In “form” news my boob is wandering around the state of Texas I guess. No word from Nordstrom. I told a friend and she said maybe we should take pictures with the form like Flat Stanley. Here it is on the Riverwalk. Here it is at the Alamo.

I would like to get used to the forms – I am sure that my back will be tired after getting used to nothing on the front. I now understand why some women have to get reductions because of their back. Honestly, the irony is not lost on me.

We got a package yesterday and I was so excited – it was from Nordstrom’s. No boob – just a swim suit and two bras. I was disappointed. For once, UPS had not brought the happiest! How odd for our UPS man that once he brought gifts for our wedding, then for our children, and now I wait for a boob?

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