Sacrifice. Determination. Excellence at some things, falling up short on others. Mental fatigue. Glory. I hope there is some level of comparison between me and the plucky little gymnast that has won the hearts of our nation. Not size (ha!) Or scope of sacrifice – why is it that I only found out today that she has had to live away from her Mom for two years?! But maybe hair issues (seriously people, do you have nothing better to complain about?)
But, I do share in my new understanding of mental fatigue. I had thought fatigue was a physical pull – and it is – but there is an emotional toll that life – or suddenly being the face of USA gymnastics globally – can take.
Preparing for surgery next week has been doubly difficult for me. I am physically fatigued because my white blood cells are battered … and because life being what it is, we have two kids with strep in the house. We have had one kid in an out of our bed the last three nights. Davis and I gave up on poor Carter last night and let him sleep in bed with us after his 19th visit. He has taken the sickness the hardest – “fever is so hot it hurts me head” … Emmy bounced back after one day to be told by our physician that she had strep and couldn’t attend princess at the beach camp today (“but I feel fine today. I’m not sick!”)
Is there anything worse than your kids being sick? I have more empathy than before. I told Emmy how upset I knew she was and I was sorry that the strep bugs made her have different plans, but would she, could she stop crying long enough for us to go get antibiotics? Yes, after the “can I get a tent at the drugstore?” question. Apparently the princess tent was awesome enough to remember.
It took all my available brain cells to get Emmy and Carter to the store and back, and then I had to head to my pre op visit at Seton.I learned that I will head there at 7am, that I have free valet parking, that I will stay for 3 nights, that I will head into surgery at 9am and be out by noon. That Davis can be by my side – my rock, my support, my amazingly devoted and selfless hubby. Soon I will send out some information for those of you in Austin to help keep the kiddos occupied (playdates, meals, carpooling etc).
I have already won once, and now I have another hill to climb. And it happens to be at the busiest time of year for a family with small kids. I won’t be able to drive for a month. I am sitting here with paper and pen starting to map out the month after surgery for friends and family to help. And my brain is not shifting.
Like Gabby, I am growing weary of the competition. I grow weary of remembering the data points, questions, meal times, kids shoe sizes, white blood cell counts … I am SO glad that I am going to do this all at once. I am no stranger to anxiety, but this is pretty overwhelming.
I’m no Olympian, and I have done only what was asked of me, but today I would have fallen off the beam.
Celebrate success when it comes, and prepare for what’s next as best you can. And for goodness sake, stop picking on people’s hair.