As I lay in bed this morning enjoying my time off from getting kids ready for school or getting ready for work or letting out a puppy or in general doing anything and everything before 8am … I realized how strange a Mother’s day journey can be for so many of us.
First, the Mother’s Days where I celebrated my Mother with all I had – unblemished, complete love and appreciation. Then the first time I realized that life was impermanent- losing my grandmother early – and seeing my Mom struggle with the loss of her Mom. While I was in 8th grade. A loss I still cannot comprehend for her or for me.
Then – college mother’s days, an afterthought or forced reckoning – realizing I had to send a card or make a call as more of an obligation than a true gesture … growing apart(in a healthy way) but also recognizing parents are no idols, but people)
There are the Mother’s Days I had so full of hope that one day I would enjoy one with a child of my own – as a newly wed already fielding questions and comments.
Then, the Mother’s Days where I was struggling to conceive – taking over two years – a reminder of the failures of my body to do something that at that point I had decided was something I wanted.
The first Mother’s Day with an infant – breathless, joyful, in the weeds, and loving it.
Pregnant – carrying twins – realizing my whole world was about to turn upside down – crying about college savings and cars and how on Earth would we do this?
Then, 2011, now I know, a year colored by my body fighting off something unseen. I was exhausted, working, taking naps – literally – every day. What on earth was going on?
Then, the answer just before mother’s day in 2012 – the world that I had so carefully constructed and wished for would soon get upended. Would I be around for another mother’s day? I didn’t entertain the thought – just went through the motions of getting up each day and rising to fight again.
Now, I am back to joy – a group of creative, colorful, hilarious children and a husband who supports and celebrates me.
Today as we are celebrated for doing the toughest job in the world (let’s be honest – parenting IS so it should be carried equally but is not always) … let’s also remember our friends who are celebrating or mourning differently. It’s not about how has the best mother’s day today … but about remembering mothers of all kinds and where they are in their journey. My friend with metastatic cancer who is celebrating the first mother’s day with her son, carried by a surrogate. My friend still struggling to conceive after three years of tests and diagnosis. My friend who is gay and cannot officially carry the rights of motherhood here in Texas the same way as others should. My friend who has lost two angels too soon, but manages to carry on and celebrate the life she has with two wonderful, sweet children. My friend who just lost her Mom to a long struggle with Alzheimer’s. And of course, to those of you who continue to inspire me to be a better Mom – with encouragement, love, support, amazing attitudes, a shoulder to cry on, carpools and more.
Happy Mother’s Day to all. I hope you get all you wish for, but most importantly, that you feel loved and appreciated and supported. Because you are all amazing.