It is an odd thing, to no longer be going to the infusion room and oncology center. To have my hair actually growing long enough to get wet, and to have it be called “chic” by a friend – that was very kind. I also have good skin tone, a more natural gait. As if my body breathes a huge sigh of relief. But, the fatigue remains … and my emotions are rollercoaster worthy.
This weekend I gloried in the lazy river, catching kiddos off the water slide, playing with underground antics. But the walk to and from our room was as long as our block, so my bones were weary and my muscles weak. I slept most days in the afternoon, but made lunch and dinner with the crew. And, caffeine no longer seemed to help.
I have a different perspective now on a vacation. The challenges of vacations before – how I looked in my swimsuit, riding the revolving kiddo emotions, helping everyone to bed in a different configuration every night – somehow didn’t matter as much because I was there. I could float, I could kiss them goodnight, and I appreciate that now.
That’s not to say I’m not short tempered or have my moments, but they are fewer than before and that will be a great gift. I am more zen, less planned.
Of course, life would not leave me with just that lesson – Emmy got sick on the trip so my planned week of camps and rest has turned into dr’s visits and Shaun the Sheep marathons. And, group nap session this afternoon.
Once again, planning doesn’t work when you have this many variables so we are back to one day at a time. It’s probably better this way because I am starting to think about surgery next week and the more I think about it, the more I worry so now I have less time to worry …
I am going to enjoy a nap sleeping on my stomach – a luxury I will not be able to afford again for a while after next Thursday. Carpe diem. Or “nappe” diem …